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Who Me, Difficult? Yes, You!

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We all like to think we are easy to get along with. We don't make our co-workers lives difficult.

But, chances are, if you find some of your co-workers hard to work with, someone will find you a challenge, too.

You are not a challenge because you intentionally decided to be. In fact, the attributes and skills you consider to be your best strengths may be the very ones someone else finds difficult to deal with.

See if you can find yourself in one (or more!) of the following profiles:

* You call it decisive, they call you a steam roller.

You are the kind of person who can make quick decisions. You size up situations quickly, see the best alternative, and then take action. No use waiting around, you tell yourself and co-workers. They are swept up and away by your pace. They are still trying to figure out the question, or looking at alternatives, and you are finished with the task. They feel run over or devalued; you didn't hear their contributions because your mind was already made up.

When working on a team, check in with each of them. Make sure you have heard from all of them before you announce your decision. By asking, even if they say okay, you will make sure they are feeling included.

* You know you are gathering consensus, they think you are wishy washy.

Even though you are working together, time constraints or project specifications may preclude everyone agreeing on everything. If everyone always agreed, you wouldn't need group input. If you are in charge, there comes a time for you to say enough talking, this is what we'll do. The challenge is finding the balance between too soon and too late.

* You're being accommodating, they call you a pleaser.

While being agreeable is important, accommodating the needs of others, (especially when it's your boss), just saying yes or no problem, when there is going to be trouble is worse than telling the truth. Give a realistic "heads up" to prevent problems from escalating. Too much pleasing and not enough delivering gets you the reputation of being unreliable.

* You see yourself as cautious, they see you as a roadblock.

New projects need a balance between making haste slowly and getting things done. Waiting until everything is perfect, or all the facts are known, is impossible. Decisions are necessary when all the facts aren't known. If you knew everything you wanted to know, you wouldn't need to make a decision. The way would be evident.

* You think you are thorough and they think you're a motor mouth.

* You think yourself succinct and obvious, they label you aloof and uncommunicative.

These are two sides of the same issue. How much and how efficiently a person talks are core factors what makes people difficult. A person who loves to explain all the details and side issues is both challenged by and is challenging to someone who talks in simple two or three words sentences. What may be obvious to the one needs full discussion by the other. Consider not only what you want to say, but to whom you are talking. If you present your message in a way the other is most likely to hear, you save time and aggravation for both of you.

* You are guided by the rules, others think you are unfeeling, or nit picking.

* You see yourself as considerate of personal circumstances, others think you are morally inconsistent.

Again, two sides of the same issue. What comes first, people's feelings and needs or the rules and policies? Keeping the dialogue open and aiming for a clear understanding of the other's point of view moves the conflict from personal to philosophical. They aren't unfeeling, you aren't a bleeding heart. You are both trying to make the work place match your values and perspective. Neither of you is wrong, just different.

* You like the window open, with lots of fresh, cool air, they like the heat on high.

This conflict can be centered on any number of specific issues: smoking or not, shades up or down, the station on the radio, the size of the margins on paper work. The list goes on and on. The battles over these personal preferences can go on and on, too. And, usually it takes a disinterested third party to resolve.

Are you looking for who's right or what's right? If the answer is "who's right," you have found an industrial strength difficult person. Little if anything you do will be effective.

This couldn't be you, could it?

Copyright © 2005 Pat Wiklund. All rights in all media reserved. This article may be reprinted so long as it is kept intact with the copyright and by-line.

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