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Assertiveness Techniques Help Control The Urges Of Emotions

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During the development of the “Assertiveness Coffee Cards” we, at Cutesolutions, have thoroughly reviewed the literature on neuro-psychology to find out what recent discoveries say on assertiveness. Major strides have been made in unravelling the processes guiding our behaviour, in identifying the causes for a great number of cognitive disabilities and deepening understanding of the human traits. But, the brain is still far from giving away its secrets, though a lot has already been achieved in understanding the nuts and bolts of thinking and feeling. Progress has been made in understanding such typically human qualities such as humour and sarcasm. Undoubtedly, an individual’ view is formed both by their genes and by how their brain has been moulded by experience. Some studies have, however, suggested predisposition for assertiveness. It is not science-fiction anymore to think that prospective parents will be able to design their children at the computer, scrolling through genetic menus to choose specific gene clusters for assertiveness and other qualities. But, I doubt it if this is desirable for the human race. A better route is to learn to be assertive. Nevertheless, understanding the influence of our makeup on assertiveness is helpful and suggests practical ways to learn the assertiveness skills.

Neural development is a staggering complex process, which scientists are only beginning to get the first clues about. It involves neural activity in specific parts of the brain and a lot of traffic between various areas of the brain. The result of our neural connections and activity determines the extent of which we are assertive or not. A significant amount of neural activity takes place in the limbic system, without us being conscious of it. Sexual assertiveness is a well known case where men are thought to be more assertive than women because the centre of male-specific sexual behaviour receives signals from nuclei in the amygdala that are concerned with producing assertive or aggressive behaviour. This is by no means exceptional. In fact, a significant amount of communication between humans is unconscious. Everything coming in through the senses goes first to the thalamus where it is sorted and shunted onward to appropriate processing areas, notably the amygdala – the brain’s alarm system – for generation of emotional responses: disgust, fear, anger and parental love. So, it is a fact of life that your eye talk, gesture, intonation and posture generate emotional responses of liking or disliking that affect the power of your assertive behaviour.

Fortunately, there is a two-way ebb and flow of traffic between this limbic system and the frontal lobes, where consciousness, morality, free will, responsibility and assertiveness are rooted literally in flesh. Just as emotions and feedback from our body affect our thoughts and behaviour, so the way we think and behave can affect our unconscious reactions. The frontal lobes are responsible for our conscious perception of emotion and our ability to attend and focus. Most important of all, they endow our experience with meaning and our being with a sense of purpose. So, the frontal lobes fee people from the tyranny and urges of their emotions and bestow a quality we may refer to as free will, with which must come responsibility. Assertiveness has a lot to do with being centred and able to control emotions so as to be able to act in your own best interest by expressing your thoughts and feelings directly and honestly without violating the rights of others. To achieve such as a centred state of mind, one must me aware of own mind’s constraints, prejudices, cognitive reflexes and misconstructions. That is why Cutesolutions has developed a class of techniques – The You Class – to provide the learner with practical means to achieve state of mind where the expression of thoughts and feelings is facilitated.

For further information, please contact us at: Cutesolutions 30, rue Josse IMPENS 1030 Brussels – Belgium Tel +32-2-2155157 Fax +32-2-2156416 Ibl.belgiumtelenet.be http://www.cute4u.net

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